Period Panties

Yup... I'm blogging about period panties. This is really a review and doesn't belong here. I copied it from my other blog where I used to do reviews years ago - Girl with Gadgets. I think I may start putting up more reviews there. Anyway.... I copied that review here but you should be warned... it's not pretty. Men might consider moving along. But if you stick around and actually read it all, you should totally leave a comment because you're my new hero!

HERE IT IS:

I had let this blog die but I am taking it out of retirement to blog about these period panties we're all hearing about. THINX is just one of the companies making them. Apparently there are others. But what I like about THINX is that they're using a portion of their proceeds towards getting this period underwear to girls in third world countries where getting your period means you can't go to school or participate in many other activities. I would buy them for this alone. Luckily, turns out it's a really good product.

So, I got really curious and decided to order a pair of these panties. I am a US size 16 and I bought the 2X after reading other people's reviews and being advised to order up. It's good advice. They do run small. And while the fabric has some elasticity to it, it's not much. They fit a bit like good swimwear.  They have a bit of give but some hug to them as well. The fabric has that nice smooth, slick feel to it that you want in underwear. It feels very nice and lies well under even clingy dresses or pants. The VERY surprising thing is that even though I bought what is their heaviest flow panty, the crotch part of the panty was not very thick. I was expecting it to feel like a pad. But it feels like a few layers of fabric maybe as thick as a panty liner. It seemed impossible that it could do what it claims to do. But it did.

The panties come not just in different sizes but also in different shapes (hip hugger, boy short, hi waist, thong, etc) and different absorbencies. They rate the absorbency with a system women can relate to. From 1/2 tampon to 2 tampons. I went ahead and got the heavy flow hip huggers straight away. I figured if I was going to test these, I would start on my heaviest day - really see what this product can do. Ah, also, they currently only come in two colors - black and beige - and not all styles come in both colors.

From here on out things are going to start to get gross, friends. If you're squeamish you might want to run away now. Most of the reviews I read tried to keep the language pretty antiseptic and therefore glossed over some points I think most people want to know. So I'm not going to be tame in my descriptions from here on end. So last warning. Leave now if you think you may get ill at the mention of menstrual blood and other such details. It's okay. I forgive you.

Okay. So I got the heavy hip hugger in black and on day 2 of my cycle, which is when it's always absolutely the worst for me, I decided to put them on after my afternoon workout and shower so that I could stay in them from roughly 7pm until morning. I wanted to spend a little time awake in them walking around the house, doing light chores, sitting at my computer and then go to bed and see how they hold up as an overnight pad. I did this because, frankly, I wasn't ready to wear them out in public all day the first time. I wanted to try them out in a "safe" environment first.

Gross alert.

So, I had done my workout and showered and my flow was very heavy. I put them on and thought "there's no way I'm not waking up to a blood bath in my bed." Before bed I went to pee and was pleasantly shocked that they seemed pretty dry. Slept till 7am, woke up and felt around the bed. Everything was fine. I felt dry. What?!!! I go into the bathroom and check. Aside from a little film of blood and uterine lining (if you're a woman you know what I mean... some kind of shedding stuff that sometimes ends up in your pad, which is why I think tampons are really not healthy... but that's another topic entirely). Anyway, after 12 hours of pretty heavy flow, they felt mildly heavy, had a slight film to them that I brushed off with toilet tissue but there hadn't been a leak. I woke up feeling comfortable and if I absolutely needed to rush out and make a milk run, I think I could have maybe even gotten away with it. But I'm glad I didn't.

Even grosser alert.

So now comes the part where things get super intimate. Time to take them off and wash them. You can't just throw these into the wash. In fact, THINX website has very specific instructions for washing them. No fabric softener, it ruins the bacterial shield in it. I figured, something like this, there was only one way to do it right. Just hand wash it - old school. So I filled the sink with warmish water and soaked them. That's the advice from the website and from previous reviewers. However, what they don't tell you is that you should prepare for a shock. The panties, when you take them off, feel slightly weighted but not that much. Because they're black, they don't look especially gross. And because of the magic fabric they're using in the crotch area, the whole garment looks perfectly fine when you pull them off. Like a normal pair of panties should look. However, the second you dip them into the water it's a blood bath. I mean, literally. The water began to turn a deep shade of crimson almost immediately. As Western privileged women who don't have to deal with our biological processes quite this intimately, it came as a bit of a shock to me. I mean... I knew it was going to happen and still, I was a little bit shocked to see this much blood in my sink. I'm really amazed that all of that was in there. Didn't seem possible. I drained the sink, refilled it, and did this process again 2 more times while lightly rubbing the crotch of the panty to get it out. Now... there's more. This is the first time I have every had my hands in bloody water. I mean, I've had to scrub some blood off a panty or some sheets where I'd had a leak in the middle of the night. But this does not compare to that at all. Ladies.... hold on to your hats!! This is next level. I mean... it's a sink full of blood and your hands are in it moving around and working the fabric. It was kind of surreal.

Mystical alert.

But also... it put me in touch with how powerful we really are. We don't really acknowledge it enough. We bleed this much on a regular basis and we still go to work, do workouts, feed babies, build houses, run marathons. I mean... come on!!! It really brought me up close and personal with just how freaking strong we are. And yet we are constantly allowing people to make us feel weak. And at that moment with my hands in the bloody water, it all clicked. We survive the bleeding and life comes out of us. We are freaking magical! We should spend more time celebrating that.

But I digress... It took only 2 soaks and a final rinse to get the water completely clear. Then I added some mild soap and scrubbed the entire garment lightly, rinsed it, wringed it gently - it wrings out pretty well. The whole process takes a few minutes tops. Then I hung it over a towel to dry. It was completely dry that night in a bathroom that usually seems to keep our towels damp.

So my experience with these so far is fantastic. I may do a follow up blog after I've tried them out in the real world. But I would totally recommend them. The washing part is probably the worst part. But you're doing something good for yourself - they're comfortable and you're saving money and the environment. And you're also doing something good for all those girls who will now not have to stay home from school because of something their bodies are meant to do. It's a total win-win. :)

What's that in the road?

Today, while stopped at a red light I noticed something moving across the road. I couldn't quite make out what it was at first. I thought it might be a large butterfly or a small bird. Then I was pretty convinced it was a small bird. Brown, slender neck, holding out one wing and walking along in stops and starts like small creatures are often spotted doing. From one car's tire over towards the car in front of me. As it neared, I finally realized what it was. It was not a small bird but a large oak leaf. (Maybe even two entwined?) One of its points was bent in a way that looked like a bird's slender head and beak. The rest of it curled so it appeared a wing was being held out. And the wind... the wind was blowing in just such a manner so that it wasn't lifting it up off the ground but gently being nudged so that it looked like it might have been taking a stroll across the street. At that moment I had a kind of surreal awakening. "How many things do we see regularly that aren't at all what they appear?" What if the only reason some things are set in motion is because a gentle wind is guiding them along just so? And what if that wind, with its precise pressure and trajectory and speed were to stop or change abruptly? Then what of the object it has been exerting its influence on? How much are we like that leaf? And who or what is our wind? 

Fierce New Year.

I'm tremendously proud of myself today. Incredibly proud. The reasons I'm about to list might seem ridiculous to a few of you. And that's okay. This is my journey. And for me, for my journey, none of what I'm about to list is inconsequential. Which is why I felt it deserved an entry.

I told myself I would be more fierce this year. I guess you can read that as "less afraid". But it doesn't stop there. It's a way of being that I've felt was living deep down within me but not surfacing enough to serve me. So here is why I'm proud today.

1. I'm on my way to meet with a person high up in the opera chain who has taken notice of me.  I'm taking a leap of faith that, despite it being late in the game, and my having zero resume to speak of, this person might be able to aid me in making a break through. Not expecting it to happen today... But also perhaps not too long from today.

2. It's snowing. Normally I'd balk at driving in the snow or going into the city in the snow for fear of getting stuck. But today's meeting was too important. When I spoke to my (very fearful) mother this morning she said, "It is nasty out... Are you still going? Oh, poor baby."  My husband, who also coddles me a little (he is sweet) said I should maybe leave the car and cab it to the train. If it were heavier snow, I might have done that. But I decided I've been coddled (and coddled myself) enough. I know people care for me but it's finally dawned on me that I'm surrounded by people whose anxieties only highlight and heighten my own. They mean well. But it's time to start letting myself disagree with them. "No... I can do this. No reason to cancel or reschedule or cry or panic."

3. I can do this. My new battle cry.

I'm looking forward to posting my future adventures in fierce living. Today... Baby steps.

Re-finder's Fee

I painted this. I started working on it over the summer. I wasn't sure what it would become. But I knew I wanted something new to hang in the dining room. And I didn't want to buy something. I wanted to make it. Is it great art? Nope. But I worked on it on and off for weeks until it spoke to me. Early this morning it said, "Hang me up now." I grabbed a hammer, some nails, and wire. I prepped the back of the canvas. Banging away at 6am while my husband slept upstairs. Wondering, probably, what on earth I was doing. Or maybe not. He's used to me waking up suddenly inspired to scrub the bathroom, practice or rearrange the kitchen cabinet. It can be anything at all. I used to wonder if this was a kind of madness but I've decided nothing in my life would ever get done if it weren't for these bursts of energy. It's just how I get things done.

I am, I've decided, in a period of redefining myself. Or, perhaps, better said, re-finding myself. For a period of a couple of years I've been drifting. Unsure of my purpose or direction. Just toiling and moving forward. I suppose that's the best any of us manage. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. But it sure is nice to actually have a sense of knowing where you're headed or where you are at any given moment. I may not know either of those two things, but I'm definitely feeling more proactive about which way I'm moving along this river called Life. That's better than nothing for now.While musing over this this morning I thought, "When I do find myself where I'd like to be, do I collect a re-finder's fee?"

Where's the Good Ole Girl Network?

This past year, I've read many of the articles written on the subject of rape culture and violence against women which have been appearing in nearly all news publications around the globe. I just read one in the Huffington Post about the institution of "women only" taxis to make women feel "safer". They are modeling this after women only buses in India and special female only train cars in Japan. I find this to be a dangerous trend and a step backward. While it may be a temporary stop gap and a comfort to some, it continues to send the signal that men have the power to crush us and we must hide safely away from them.  What message are we sending young girls?  

The problems we face come from a male global sense of sexual entitlement (and entitlement to power) while women, by and large, continue to feel a sense of lacking power and a sense of fear. We have been conditioned to not only fear the power of the men around us but, worse still, to fear our own power. Women are taught it is "unfeminine" to be powerful or to desire anything approximating power. Including and, in many cases, especially, sexual power.

Another solution to the constant groping in the trains in Japan and the rampant rape in India could easily have been to hand out pepper spray to women and girls who use these means of transportation. Wouldn't men begin to simmer down if "Mr. Yamadori" showed up to his morning meeting weeping and red faced because a woman on the train sprayed him? But no... the very people in charge don't want this kind of a solution. It would "upset the social order". By which they mean, men would be called out for their behavior on a fairly regular basis and instead of a headline reading "Girl Gets Publicly Molested on Train" we might see "VP of Corporation X is Pepper Sprayed on his Way to Work." That just won't do. They must "save face". And who are the people most vested in saving face? The people in charge - most of whom are men.

We cannot begin to level the playing field by hiding away. Women cannot shy away and cower if we're ever going to be treated as powerful beings with rights to our bodies and our thoughts. Men have done one thing throughout history that we women can stand to learn from. They have always banded together. They don't call it the " Good Ole Boy" network for nothing. Women need to stop cutting each other down and borrow this page from the men. We need to form more of our own networks. Sororities have to stop being about silly parties and make up and who has the nicest Prada bag. They need to be about banding together to help support each other up the ladder. Inductions should probably include lessons in ball kicking and how to fight dirty when necessary.

Yes, it's true that in our world, if a woman is pretty and has a nice figure, she will get more attention and it may even help her get higher up the ladder than if she doesn't have these attributes. But this should not be the thing that girls are taught to focus all their attention on. We need to keep our nails sharp and our bodies strong. But also learn to use our softer qualities to our advantage. We can focus our compassion to avoid getting lost in the power struggles that lead to selfish feelings of entitlement so we don't get caught in the trap men find themselves in too often. But we have a long way to go before that is a worldwide problem for us. Right now I think we need to focus on banding together from a place of strength, not fear.

Going swimming

 

This has never happened
This is not supposed to be
I have been a non believer all my life.
In my days throughout the desert there has been no drop of water
Only strange mirages and a couple drops of rain.

Never have I seen this
It’s an ocean in the desert
It’s a sea of life and coral right where cactuses were once.
Do my eyes deceive me?
I cannot ignore the omens
I must swim, I must jump in
I must get wet
This water’s fine.

This has never happened
I never thought it would
In an instance I forgot the scorching sun
Or the burning in my heart 
or the thirst within my bones.

I fell with such abandon
I fell into its embrace
Into an ocean in the desert -
It has such a lovely face.

Copper Penny

I'd like to own you like a shiny copper penny
That I keep in my pocket;
putting my hand in to trace the outline of your face
Feeling the smooth texture
knowing always that you're there;
that you'll be there as long I keep you there.

But you are not an indelible image emblazened into copper
The way you've become etched into my being.
You are so very free.
Freer than anyone I've met
Than the leaves that blow into my yard in the fall.
You won't be held steady (this is both my joy and my suffering.)
You won't be mine
Although I have the most important parts of you;
which you give me freely whenever you sideways smile at me
Or sigh into my shoulder.
I am content to take that which you give.
To others it may seem paltry but I know that for you
it is nearly your soul.

I will not own you now or ever
But when your flitting swooping dancing skirt twirls in my direction
I wait to dance with you
Until the music plays no more
And off you go again
Off you go again.