Monday, November 12, 2018

I can do that too


When do I start caring
That your greed knows no bounds?
I transmute it into my own greed
Which I keep secret
So I seem satisfied with
            that thimble you call sustenance
Growing your ego, I know
This is an impertinence I leave for you
While I fold my knees
Demurely smiling

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Disappointed

I will outgrow
Outlive
Outrun
This sadness
This loss of sweetness
Which you offered and rescinded
Offered then regretted
Quietly suffering your loves
Such man woes
Too many kisses
Too many breasts to lay your head upon
So many welcoming arms
And mouths
The one you pined for
The one you ran from the second you'd had your fill
(Who got the best part of that deal?)
Tu tienes la cara dura
De ahora decir que
Era demasiado
It was too much?
You had no right to be the one who calls the shots.
You had no right to decide when enough is enough.
You had the sweet side of this deal.
My rage is well merited, you sorry man.
I loved you even in your pathetic weakness
Your constant reminders that I was last on your list.
I swallowed that bitter pill whole.
And still... It was too much?
You retreated into your safe nest
Taking your love with you...
Leaving me raw
Leaving me lost
Empty
Fragile
Unchosen
Missing you
Despite your unworthiness

Monday, August 20, 2018

Three Ways to Love You


Three Ways to Love You

I.
I will eat away your guilt
I will swallow all your lies
I will fortify your house of cards
I will help you justify
Help you live inside this madness
Help you swim aside these sharks
I will love you
I will love you
I will love you 
                in the dark

II.
I will lick the poison from your brow
Swallow it back with relish from your eyes
Crack my melon head ripe open
For your tongue to flick the dark seeded
Carcinomas of fractured logic and rotting thought
In a frenzied dance of mangled limbs
We will bleach each other
Shiny and new

III.
We will lie exhausted on the burning sand
Awash of our guilt
Unwilling to stand
Wearing cagey prison smiles
Knees to Knees 
Eyes to Eyes
Heart to Heart
A newly born Siamese star
Some galaxy beyond
A sentient year behind us
Fragile this fleshy bond, yet
I have loved you
I have loved you
I have loved you
                    from the start

Monday, August 13, 2018

Pegged

Man servant boy

Your wife is mean
It's why you're so lean
You "deserved" her betrayal
And with your approval
You sanctioned her deception.
Now you're paying to keep her.
You're her life's perfection.

Oh boy,
You make me sad.

Your wife has you pegged
I mean, in every way.
Bend over and take it
Lazy selfish whiny bitch
The wincing is a turn on
The sting is such a burn on
Her pleasure is your pain

Your wife knows to be sweet
The carrot, not only the stick
You melt on cue
You pay your due
Manipulation 101
You are her favorite toy
Wash, rinse, repeat

You're sad to me,
Oh boy
You're dead to me,
Enjoy

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Ocean Cleanse

There's misery at the bottom of the ocean
There's misery at the bottom of the sea
Yet each time I feel my sadness
I dive down underneath
Each time I seek to mitigate this loneliness
Each time I seek that soothing company
All I find whenever I go swimming
Is salt and water my lungs can't breathe
Yet I plunge myself into the choppy waters
I fling my body off rocks and floating debris
Directly into the currents
That threaten to disappear me
There's comfort in breathing the water
Find peace gagging on the seaweed
I welcome the watery depths
That will cleanse me of your memory.


Saturday, March 10, 2018

Love Hobos (the Real)

My dirty dirty heart
Keeps watch under the bridge
Waiting for things that don't belong to us, but,
Feeling entitled anyhow.
Because you bring the things.
You smuggle them
right to my feet
to my hands
to my heart
to my mouth
all the things I shouldn't take
the things you shouldn't give.
We, greedy, life-is-short and
sweetness is here.
Now.
We, thieves in passion.
We,
(there is a we). We,
who have snatched a place to put our things
here, under the bridge.

In my travels
With my dirty dirty feet
Shredded nails
Aching arms
Head like a Jack-o-Lantern,
     bruised piñata for a heart.
You walked beside me
taking me in with your eyes
blinded by the sun in my hair, and...
(I saw it before you did)
Silently you pledged to bring me things I needed:
The bits of you that were rattling around in the hollows of your eyes
In return for the pieces of me that were bleeding out into the sand.
Your touch would stop the bleeding
My eyes would see through the places others missed.
Thus, in our unspoken contract
You bring me morsels, which we both devour
To sustain us
Greedily, without remorse.

We, the love hobos,
Surviving on each other
Will breathe for one another
Unapologetically
Between heart beats.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Te me estás saliendo

Te quise
Pero ya no puedo
Estoy como la que ha comido mucho helado
Me duele el estómago
Quien me manda?
Se me hiela la cabeza
Tengo náuseas

Te quise
con dos manos llenas
Pero de qué?
Primero de pétalos
Después pollitos suaves
Entonces aves blancas
Luego arañas
Serpientes
Venenosas
Hormigas picantes
Clavos sangrientes
Aceite hirviendo
No me quedan más que los huesos con que quererte
Y esos no sienten ya.

Te quise
Pero me heriste y
Ni cuenta te diste
Cómo mala fruta
Que empalaga
Cuanto buena sabía
Ahora se me está saliendo
No vuelvo a probar.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

The Rot...

I don't know why but I felt this one in Spanish... May lose some of its music in the translation... Translation below the Spanish. 

Todo en el mundo se va pudriendo
No se escapa
Ni la mosca ni el árbol
Ni las montañas
Solo que el tiempo de pudrirse puede ser corto 
O casi sin medida
Pero en esta naturaleza
Todo llega a pudrirse
Hasta el amor
Que florece con belleza
Y, un día, sin darnos cuenta,
         Comienza.
Los besos se vuelven débiles
Sin fuerza del alma
El sexo, si existe, es como una máquina
Que se prende y anda sola
Y sabe cuándo acabar
Y te miras en un espejo y vez
Tu cara que brillaba
Le falta illuminacion
Y así se va...
Poco a poco
Machitando
Hasta que un día
Buscas por toda la casa
En el safacón
En el baño
Debajo de la cama
En el ropero
De dónde viene?
Ese olor tan acrido y pungente?
Se te abren los ojos y caes en el sillón
Boca abierta
Somos nosotros
Nos hemos podrido
Y ahora 
Que?
           A cerrar los ojos 
     y a olvidar.

------------------------------

Everything in the world succumbs to rot
Nothing escapes
Not the fly nor the tree
Nor the mountains
It is only that the time to rot might be short
Or immeasurable
But in this nature 
Everything will rot
Even love
Which flowers with beauty
And, one day, without our notice
       Begins.
Kisses grow weak
Without any soul behind them
Lovemaking, if at all, is a machine
You turn it in and it goes
It knows when to stop 
And you catch yourself in a mirror and see
Your face once bright
Is no longer lit
And so it goes...
Little by little
Fading
Until one day
You look through the whole house
The garbage can
The bathroom
Under the bed
The closet
Where is it coming from?
That acrid and pungent smell?
Your eyes grow wide and you fall into a chair
Mouth agape
It's us.
We are rotted.
And now
What?
       To shut our eyes
    And begin to forget.



------------------
   

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Love Hobo

Blooming cherry trees adorn the river
A holly bush houses interesting guests
Outside, a warm breeze shakes clouds of dust
Into a swirl
Balloons of plastic bags float above
A celebration of city refuse.
Not-so-still life in the trailer park
Beneath the bridge.
Strawberries discovered outside the shanty house
Are softly whisked away by a delicate hand. 
They disappear behind cardboard.

The city alive with blaring music from cars
Coming from the lower deck of the bridge.
Summer, when the city is most filled with hope and energy
But the smell of decay and rot is the strongest.
Here by the river, 
Ice cream offerings bring a kind of peace.
The holly bush lady smiles 
A Buddha smile.

Coolness arrives in reds and oranges 
Whose reflection along the nearly still water
Are like Van Gogh and Manet
Wavy waterlike trees, or treelike water,
Either way, the view is priceless
And the sweet lady sings,
I left to follow love 
and this is where I'll stay.”
The lady of the holly bush rejoices at her fate.

Now the city has turned grey
As if life has passed it by.
The dirty river iced
The trees a white delight.
The lady sits in residence inside her holly hut.
She has herself some company
And they're huddled under coats.
An impossibly large blanket is covering them both.
They sit with foreheads touching
Looking comfy as can be,
and the lady smiles aside and says to gawking me,
"I am a love hobo, darling."
And with that she nestles her head
into her bearded love.
My lonely heart and I walk back
Smiling, a thing with wings.


Thursday, January 18, 2018

Bandaid 2

my life's a mummy
maybe yours is too
but my mummy beats your mummy
it's bigger and scarier
most of the bandages are falling off
some are so old they're black
you'd never know they were ever white
many of the bandages are oozing blood
a couple are freely bleeding through like waterfalls of cranberry juice
if cranberry juice fell from a waterfall
(this thought comforts me at least a little)
the free bleeding bandages are the worse
then there are the tiny ones that were supposed to only stay a short while
they were covering teeny scratches that started to deepen
and now they are wells of tissue deep to the bone
covered by tiny little baby bandaids
(this would be laughable if the wounds weren't festering)
my mummy sings though
it sings to forget that it lives
it lives, my mummy (a kind of life)
bandages are all that keep it going
do not look upon it in daylight
your eyes will need bandaging too
and why should you suffer my fate? 

Surrender

Today I surrender.
To what has been calling to me since yesterday.
Gravity too heavy on my shoulders.
Knees too weak. Feet of gelatin.
Head like a boulder.
I surrender, floor.
You have me, all of me.
I belong to you and the dust mites and the creepy crawly things,
To the grain of wood that will soon be embedded in my skin.
I belong to you and your cold cold embrace.
May you not lose the strength to hold me up
As my salty corrosive tears drench your planks.
Soggy like an old ship's deck.
If you fail, we fall together.
You and I, dear floor.
Right down to the basement.
There we can surrender to the cement.
It will take considerably more tears to soften it.
I believe we can lie there peacefully as long as we like.