Death of Love

Giving up on love changes you
It slows you down
Even your pulse 

Bodily functions turn against you
Especially your digestion
Weight sees no reason to burn
Nothing burns,
Especially not your imagination,
Which used to run ahead like a child 
At a feverish pace
Gathering fancy frocks and bright lipsticks
To be the prettiest at the daydream
Your eyes even become fixed
A steady sage stare
Especially good for discerning the things you'd missed all those years
The way the crickets have multiplied
The starlings are disturbed by the weather
The way the house creaks and cracks like a splintered ship run aground
The books you can now focus on

Your thoughts plucking words like flowers to adorn your dreams

A wreath of sonnets and novels

An Easter bonnet of tales

For the long dark hours 

Especially for the way your body wants only rest. 

So tired now 

So utterly tired.

Modern Medicine

My doctor today said my blood pressure is a bit high

to which I say how could it not be?

The vine which has been growing from my intestines 

is crushing my chest with a bowline knot around my heart

clogging the well which used to send a river to my dry achy eyes

while thorns and worms wrap round

the hyoglossus of my throat

suppressing my tongue so nothing can escape

no words

and definitely not a scream

definitely not a cry or a shriek or

a shrill sharp edged syllable knife of stabbing pain

where my Adam's apple might have been if life were fair but

definitely not that 

all systems are on lockdown 

my soul even is trapped in this prison.

 so my doctor

with her years of knowledge 

and 

 papers 

she says my blood pressure is up 

as if this is news to me

with no response at all

I wonder at what point the vine will shoot straight up out of my head 

breaking open my honeycomb skull 

and then,

will the pressure be released?

3/3/2022

 

I can do that too

When do I start caring
That your greed knows no bounds?
I transmute it into my own greed
Which I keep secret
So I seem satisfied with
            that thimble you call sustenance
Growing your ego, I know
This is an impertinence I leave for you
While I fold my knees
Demurely smiling

Disappointed

I will outgrow
Outlive
Outrun
This sadness
This loss of sweetness
Which you offered and rescinded
Offered then regretted
Quietly suffering your loves
Such man woes
Too many kisses
Too many breasts to lay your head upon
So many welcoming arms
And mouths
The one you pined for
The one you ran from the second you'd had your fill
(Who got the best part of that deal?)
Tu tienes la cara dura
De ahora decir que
Era demasiado
It was too much?
You had no right to be the one who calls the shots.
You had no right to decide when enough is enough.
You had the sweet side of this deal.
My rage is well merited, you sorry man.
I loved you even in your pathetic weakness
Your constant reminders that I was last on your list.
I swallowed that bitter pill whole.
And still... It was too much?
You retreated into your safe nest
Taking your love with you...
Leaving me raw
Leaving me lost
Empty
Fragile
Unchosen
Missing you
Despite your unworthiness

Three Ways to Love You

Three Ways to Love You

I.

I will eat away your guilt

I will swallow all your lies

I will fortify your house of cards

I will help you justify

Help you live inside this madness

Help you swim aside these sharks

I will love you

I will love you

I will love you 

                in the dark

II.

I will lick the poison from your brow

Swallow it back with relish from your eyes

Crack my melon head ripe open

For your tongue to flick the dark seeded

Carcinomas of fractured logic and rotting thought

In a frenzied dance of mangled limbs

We will bleach each other

Shiny and new

III.

We will lie exhausted on the burning sand

Awash of our guilt

Unwilling to stand

Wearing cagey prison smiles

Knees to Knees 

Eyes to Eyes

Heart to Heart

A newly born Siamese star

Some galaxy beyond

A sentient year behind us

Fragile this fleshy bond, yet

I have loved you

I have loved you

I have loved you

                    from the start

Pegged

Man servant boy

Your wife is mean
It's why you're so lean
You "deserved" her betrayal
And with your approval
You sanctioned her deception.
Now you're paying to keep her.
You're her life's perfection.

Oh boy,
You make me sad.

Your wife has you pegged
I mean, in every way.
Bend over and take it
Lazy selfish whiny bitch
The wincing is a turn on
The sting is such a burn on
Her pleasure is your pain

Your wife knows to be sweet
The carrot, not only the stick
You melt on cue
You pay your due
Manipulation 101
You are her favorite toy
Wash, rinse, repeat

You're sad to me,
Oh boy
You're dead to me,
Enjoy

Ocean Cleanse

There's misery at the bottom of the ocean
There's misery at the bottom of the sea
Yet each time I feel my sadness
I dive down underneath
Each time I seek to mitigate this loneliness
Each time I seek that soothing company
All I find whenever I go swimming
Is salt and water my lungs can't breathe
Yet I plunge myself into the choppy waters
I fling my body off rocks and floating debris
Directly into the currents
That threaten to disappear me
There's comfort in breathing the water
Find peace gagging on the seaweed
I welcome the watery depths
That will cleanse me of your memory.