Xmas Traditions and Keeping the Faith

It's a good thing no one really reads this blog because I'm probably going to say some things to upset some people but... that's life on the internet.

This morning the local fire department came past our house, like they do every year, with their Santa Claus. It's one of the things about living in the suburbs that makes me not miss life in New York City. It's sweet. I don't have children but the little kid inside me smiles big whenever they come past here and I know the kids next door are thrilled. It's these little heart warming traditions that Christmas is supposed to be about. Not the gifts or the glitzy stores or the pricey toys. It has become commercialized to the point of excess. It saddens me.

I married a Jewish man. So I have learned a bit about Jewish traditions. Not much, mind you. But some. And even though he is not religious by any stretch and his brother's family is only moderately religious, I am touched by their traditions. I think it's important that even though his brother does spoil his children, they still light the Hanukkah candles and sing the Hanukkah prayer every night. It emphasizes the real reason they are celebrating - not just because of presents and chocolates.

It's made me think about my own Catholic upbringing and Christmas. Growing up, my dad, a deeply Catholic man, stressed going to Christmas mass and the Virgin birth and celebrating the birth of Jesus. We had a tree and I believed in Santa Claus and I got modest gifts. But the idea that the holiday was connected to a Christian event was something that was always stressed in my house. Of course, over the years, I've gotten away from that, lapsed Catholic that I am. But I'm glad that I grew up with a sense of Christmas as something other than a greedfest.

I think if modern day Catholics and other Christians want their religions to thrive and their children to have a sense of reverence, they need to do at least what my father did or... maybe they need to take a lesson from our friends, the Jews. If you notice, they have prayer as a part of every holiday they celebrate. How many Christians you know say a prayer before unwrapping gifts? Or light a candle for baby Jesus the night before instead of going to bed dreaming of Xboxes and diamond necklaces? I'm not saying I plan to do any of these things. I want to be honest and say I'm a lapsed Catholic and I probably will not return to my faith as it was when I was growing up. It is my choice. I'm an adult. BUT, for those of you who do still follow your faith - I watch you complaining about dwindling congregations and kids who don't care and I say you need to take a look inside and see why this is. Traditions are important. Instilling future generations with a sense of awe and wonder and reverence for their faith is something that has to come before bright lights, new Nike's or the latest blast 'em and crash 'em video game. If you're getting lost in the greedfest, you are only contributing to the demise of your faith.

I know I'm preaching and I'm not even a "follower" but maybe I'm a watcher and this morning, when Santa came down my street not even bearing presents, it's the most Christmas spirit I've felt in a while. It's the little things. The representations of kindness and humanity that matter. And I just wanted to put that out there.

Mindful Eating

I dabble in Buddhism. "How is that?," you ask? Easy. The same way I'm a reformed Catholic. I believe in the tenets (which is, frankly, more than I can say about my Catholism) and, when I can get it together, I actually make attempts to follow the principles and even meditate. I wish I could stick to it long enough to call myself a true Buddhist but I obviously lack the discipline. So I guess you might call me a failed Buddist. Except in Buddhism there is no such thing. You do your best with each passing moment and don't judge it. It's a beautiful concept.

 That brings me to the concept of mindful eating. Like everything else Buddhist, the idea is to approach a meal with utter and sublime awareness. Sit without distractions. Take in the smells, texture, colors and tastes as if each morsel were a grand work of art. Allow it to nourish your body and feed your soul. Then stop when you are truly full. Not in the belly but wholly. This is something we do not do nearly enough. Why is it that restaurants play music? Serve alcohol? Because the noise, while adding "ambience" and the alcohol while "relaxing" you, also makes it impossible for you to actually be mindful of what you're eating. And so we often overeat. We are over stimulated.

 Today I sat down and had a brunch in total silence. The sunlight was streaming through my dining room window and there I sat with only the slight hum from the refrigerator coming from the kitchen behind me. I realized how loud my own chewing seemed within this utter quiet. But then, as I ate more, I also realized I was paying attention to chewing my food more thoroughly. Spending more time with each bite. I wasn't shoveling fast like I sometimes do when I'm busy talking over a meal or playing on the laptop while eating. I was noticing the textures of what I was eating and my coffee seemed tastier too. It made me wonder if perhaps some of my weight issues don't begin with a lack of mindfulness during my meals. It is something to consider. I will make attempts in the coming days to be more mindful while eating and I will post again in a few with my observations. I think it's worth taking a look at.

Societal Gripe Alert

This morning on the Today Show there was a segment on finances. Three "experts" were brought in - two women and a man. The man was a white, middle aged man, average to slightly overweight build, not tall. Kind of plain looking. About what you expect from a numbers cruncher. The women were a brainy but good looking brunette and a knock out light brown haired, energized, gorgeous girl who the middle aged guy was obviously smitten with. As I watched the women trying to tow the line between being gorgeous and being knowledgeable, I just got angrier. It's become nearly impossible to just be good at what you do or knowledgeable or talented. More and more, the media now expects women (and in many cases, men too) to be good looking plus (often above) being talented or intelligent. While this is a lovely ideal and I realize it's a media "package", it sends such awful messages to, not just the youth that might be watching, but to adults too.

Out there right now in the unemployment market are a vast majority of very intelligent and skilled people who are falling prey to this kind of thinking. They are being passed up for their bubblier, better looking competition, even if their resumes might be weaker and/or equal and/or padded. We are becoming more and more superficial as a society.

When I see old footage of movies, news coverage, commercials, etc... I see that we were much more open to less-than-perfect looks on our TV. Howard Cossell looked like an overgrown elf. Now we have Erin Andrews and Anderson Cooper. Barbara Walters, with her funny speech impediment would not get on the air now at all. She would never be given the chance to develop her style of interviewing. Women, in particular, continue to bear the brunt of this. Minorities also. The media ideal continues to be the pretty blond cheerleader turned... whatever they want to make her. Of course you have your Ann Curry and Connie Chung. And Oprah made billions because she's black, heavy set and nice looking enough but not a beauty. And people desperately wanted to be able to identify with someone who wasn't intimidating and would accept them and their stories regardless of where on Earth they came from. But even with this evidence, we haven't really learned.

I hear my nieces and nephews talking. They range ages 2 through 22. Barring the 2 year old, I see and hear them spending a lot more time developing their looks (gym and clothes) rather than developing new skills. In particular, I hear things like, "I'd rather be dead than fat." I actually overheard two of my nieces, each coming from a widely different population, say these exact words. Since I'm fat myself, I can't say I did not feel a bit of a personal sting. But in both cases, they did not know I was nearby so I am sure it is how they really feel. I almost would feel better if they were trying to zing me. Because despite the messages that fat = dead, many a fat person has had a rich and varied and satisfying and healthy life. Need we go back to Oprah for this? (Yes, she lost weight but for how long?) And not just people who are/were fat. But... Awkward = Michael Jackson. Weird = Every successful comedian. Short = Verne Troyer (mini Me). These are examples of people who took what might have been negatives and maximized them. But despite their success, more and more we are obsessed with looks.

I wish there were a "beautiful inside" campaign. I suspect that if we saturated kids with a new message; a message that their inner beauty and inner health, physically, spiritually and mentally, were of paramount importance, then things like outer beauty and weight would normalize. Our social rainbow would come to include richer and more vibrant hues. We might even create a more tolerant and united society. But I should watch it before I get labelled a "hippie." There are worse things - like a generation of people who are so self-absorbed that the future of America is at risk of becoming completely soulless and superficial.

The Problem with Hope

Shiny new hope sucks. Because it inevitably gets kinda dull and rusty and one day just plain old breaks. And there you are, sitting on the floor crying because it will not come back. What’s worse is the next time you see shiny new hope you eye suspiciously with sidelong glances. After several rounds with shiny new hope you might start barring the door to it or opening an umbrella against it as it descends. Maybe you resort to running from it like it’s a large black dog and you are wearing a fire hydrant costume. Yep… shiny new hope…. I’ve got my eye on you.

What Alice Forgot

Today at Barnes and Noble I stole five pages from a book while sipping my Starbuck’s mocha latte Tall with cinnamon. It was a delightful pleasure to luxuriate within those pages. Like a bubble bath of words. I learned a new word – squidginess. I also learned that the word ‘besotted’ could be one of the most romantic words in the English language when used adoringly by the right person. When I was done with my mocha latte I realized I had a decision to make. Come back another time and steal more pages or give up my life of thievery and purchase the book. I chose to purchase it. Because after only five pages I could not stand the idea of not knowing what would happen to Alice and her unborn child. Indeed, I needed to know what had already happened to them and why someone had needed to dial 000. So I stood on line and paid full hardcover money to finish reading “What Alice Forgot” because Mr. Moriarty, clever writer that he apparently is, was capable of drawing me in so fully over a cup of coffee that I couldn’t imagine leaving the store without his novel. Barnes and Noble is also rather clever for allowing us to sit and peruse their books as if it were a library. Invariably, some of us do succumb to the mysteries on the pages and pay the price of admission.

Letter to America (Or "Why you need to get over the Weiner")

Dear America,

I was just reading about the Weiner “scandal” and after I was done rolling my eyes and smacking my lips like I learned from the black girls in Brooklyn where I grew up, I decided to write you a letter. Because I think your priorities are completely up your a$$ and it’s time someone spoke up about it. Why not me?

America, you were founded on good, Puritan family values. What that boils down to most of the time is a fear of all things sexual and a moral compass whose point resembles the dreaded snake from the Garden of Eden. Yes… I said that. I tell you why. Because I can’t count how many times famous evangelists and politicians have been caught with their pants down. I can’t recount the number of inappropriate things men in both high and low positions have said to me, personally, over the years and stories I’ve heard from other. America, grow the fu*% up!!! This is human nature. So long as it’s between two consenting adults, why are you getting yourself all in huff about it?! Does it change whether or not that person is getting their job done? Are the schools better because of him/her? Are the roads being fixed? If so, stop worrying about whether or not they’re sending people pictures of their penises or putting cigars inside interns. That’s for their wives to deal with.

At this point, America, I know the look you have on your face. It’s all screwed up to one side and you are reaching for some holy water to douse me with. But really… you know what I’m saying is right. You just can’t let go of your twisted morality. The very same morality that goes right out the window when it comes close to home. Then you have excuses – lots of them. And rationalizations. Because it’s YOU now. Puh-lease. Now you’re going to argue that this behavior is indicative of a deceitful nature and THAT’S why it’s alarming. Oh yeah… I forgot – America, you think politicians and evangelists should be truthful and upfront and if they’re not they should get out. If that were actually the reality of the situation, our Congress, Senate, and houses of worship would be pretty devoid of any leadership. Get over it, America! That argument doesn’t hold water. Count the number of lies, large and small, you tell in one month just to keep the peace in your households. Now imagine having to make several thousand people who count on you all happy. It’s impossible. Lies will be told. So stop it already! Stop thinking like these are colonial times. You’ve grown up so much. Can’t you be a little more mature about this too? Focus on the things that really matter. We aren’t hiring our leaders for what they do or don’t do in their bedrooms. That should be the least of our concerns.

Sincerely,

A 21^st Century Woman

O-S-A.... I don't know...

I just watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Show present their post Bin Laden segments. I want to rejoice. I do. Jon Stewart has obviously not slept from all the partying. Stephen Colbert is absolutely giddy. They’re making fun of Osama’s being shot in the eye. I laughed when Colbert posed the question, “Does Gaddafi have bullet proof glasses?” Campuses everywhere are partying. People are rejoicing. So why don’t I feel it?

Maybe I’m too cautious but I feel all this rejoicing is misplaced. I can’t get my mind off the images of our Head’s of State in the War Room. Hillary Clinton covering her mouth in horror, Joe Biden sternly watching, and President Obama with a strained look on his face that I’ve never seen. Whatever images they were watching did not end with all of them rising from their seats and cheering. Perhaps later, in hindsight, but not then. Not in real time. I find it disconcerting that we can celebrate savagery of any kind. And, frankly, if I felt this would assure no more fear of 9/11 style attacks, I might join in the revelry. But deep down I feel all we’ve really done is killed the Queen Bee but many other hives are being built. I don’t really feel safe still. After 9/11, I suspect some of us will never really feel safe again.

I’m not anti-American. I’m proud. Obama promised us greatness and has not let us down with this one. He kicked some butt that needed kicking. It’s not like I don’t understand the magnitude of what has happened. But I know how our political machine works. There is some swordplay and posturing at work here. Obama HAD to do put on a big show of power to get back his mojo. He had to mark his territory, as it were, to give himself a better shot at a second term. And I’m not complaining about that. I think he will need a second term to finish what he’s started. I’m all for it. But I just wish that the “might makes right” mentality of the American machine were replaced by “right makes right”.

But… eh. I’m glad they got the bastard and some of his friends too? (Why aren’t they talking about who else was there and who else got shot and/or captured for questioning?) It should slow down and/or end the reign of Al Qaeda. So, okay. I’ll try to enjoy the victory with the rest of you for now.